the perks of being a wallflower

"so, this is my life. and I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

-- the perks of being a wallflower

Yes, I am still alive. I haven't written in a while. OK, I'll write something that isn't more obvious...

I started my new job...my new government job...the job that is going to take me higher than...yea whatever. It's been good so far and I haven't wanted to judge it too quickly. A sister of mine told me recently that "people hate change, they are programmed to regard it as dangerous." The job does not suck but the change does. I miss my VA peeps and I actually felt more at home being an intern, as odd as that may sound. There is a serious gap in cohorts at my new and current office. I'd have to walk around for a long time in order to find someone my age. Everyone here is a "veteran fed"...they have been here, or in government...forever.

Last week, I had the day off for Veterans' Day and I went home. Upon returning to work the following day, when I walked into my office it felt normal for the first time. I would be lying if I explained it only by saying that "it felt normal". It actually just felt like acceptance. I didn't feel so foreign to my space when I came in. My challenging morning drag transformed from just that into an actual routine where familiarity is actually my new partner in crime. I am now searching for apartments because despite my deepest wishes, I have been considering moving back home to save money. Metaphorically speaking, I can go home and live right at the eye of a hurricane or I can stick it out in DC and eat beans out of can on occasion.

I think everyday of how much my life has changed in just 6 months. I am reminded of the Good Ol' Song and the walks to class I deemed ordinary and meaningless, everyday when I yawn because I am so tired...and I did not have the option to just skip work like I would have skipped class.

I am happy to be on my own and excited to see my life unfold but something is missing. I am sad that my life from 6 months is gone forever and it's something I don't really understand right now. I am going to take it one step at a time and all I want is for it to make sense one day and feel normal the next.

the rare intern

[recall: August Disability Hiring Fair]

The 'superhero' line I used at the hiring fair exactly one month ago must have worked. The more I think about the job opportunity I was recently offered...my point of success must have occurred at the moment I used that line upon being put on the spot of all spots by the man I then presumed to be jerk, the same man...that is now going to be my boss. My only feeling about him now is confusion because he doesn't laugh when I say something funny. He must be weird because I am funny. I know I'm funny.

It had to be that line...I was competing with applicants who had their Masters. I know that weird kid that proceeded to stare me down had a Masters degree but not only was he weird, he wasn't me...he wasn't rare. I was recently put in charge of the newsletter at my current job/internship and I am actually glad that upon editing my article another co-worker proceeded to delete everything of value including the part where I laid out the specifics of my first experience with the man that is now going to be my boss. Whew...that would have caused problems.

My current supervisor is wonderful although she is a practicing office sideho...God Bless her heart. Because of her I have had the opportunity to handle things in my office that no other intern before me has. Because of her I was granted an internship extension to end in the middle of December whereas originally my last day would have been tomorrow . And now I can say despite the global state of affairs, in just 9 weeks and within 5 months of graduating, I have obtained permanent employment. I should be proud because as my co-worker David said, "It's rare for an intern to find placement so quickly". Right...who would have thought that I, out of approximately 1,400 other applicants, would be the success story?

I would have more readily accepted a position in my current office, I am nervous about leaving. I am excited too. My new job seems great and pays well but it's change. I have taken a risk and beggars can't be choosers, especially in this economy blah blah blah.

My new job will require me to commute to Southeast DC each day instead of beautiful Northwest...across from my lover, Barack Obama. Having eaten lunch in NW every day for the past few months, I got comfortable with the area and it's overflow of decent, above average restaurants...what if my new job isn't near good food? I need good food. What if I don't have a nice office/cube? What if they don't pay for my transit? What if I don't get 2 computers? What if my hours suck? What if I only have a 30 minute lunch break and I can't take an hour? What if no one likes me? OMG, what if gchat is blocked?!

Even as an intern I have received royal treatment from the federal government over the course of my fledgling career. I am spoiled and I don't want to go to another agency, in SE, across the river from Anacostia, that may not be so great. I don't want to but I will because beggars can't be choosers. I don't want to because it may be the best decision I've ever made and I won't know it isn't...until I start working there.

Wish me luck. Woo hoo.