The dating game is laughable. I literally giggle about it in my sleep some nights. It keeps life interesting. If I did what we call a “thought experiment” in Philosophy and tried to picture a world of utter chaos and misunderstanding, of bittersweet musings, and unparalleled happiness, the picture I’d think up would be exactly the Earth as we have it now…with 2 sexes that are completely different and opposite in ways that appear and most times actually could never lead to harmony.
Please note: I DETEST the word “dating”.
What I might find even more hilarious than dating on the whole, is that I, for a short time, dated a 21 year old. My frustration with this knows no bounds for reasons that have a lot to do with the mental spaces men and women fill at various different points in their young adult lives. But…whatever. We had fun. We laughed, we loved, we destroyed, and we built and at that time, that’s all I wanted. We are still great friends. I still haven’t any desire to be anyone’s girlfriend.
However…there were a lot of guessing games involved. It’s partially because he is 21 and young men must ALWAYS save face but it’s also partially because when you put 2 relationship-scarred people in a room…neither one of them is going to speak first. The crowbars that must be used to get even the littlest piece of information, sensitive or not, out of either of them…you get it.
Connectivity with women is usually rather easy because it’s in our nature to be open. Connectivity with men is not ever easy…but even when it might be easier for a man to be open he’s usually not because most women to him will be playthings and nothing more. There is no reason to be connective when you only want sex.
What never ceases to amaze me is that unfortunately some women never pick up on the game. It’s also amazing to me how many men assume I don’t know what games they are playing. It’s actually amusing to watch them run the same play I’ve heard before in stories, in movies, in history…
I’m not saying I know all the tricks of the trade but I’ve definitely found myself authoring some of the chapters in the book of game as a result of some very tragic relationship circumstances. It’s incredible how I could be the epitome of a man…unfeeling, one-track, and selfish…LOL.
When I say ‘the game’…I mean simple things like:
1. If he doesn’t call, can’t say ‘I love you’, can’t be on time, can’t tell you what he feels…then he’s just not that into you. Yes, it’s that simple. It’s as easy for him to spend money on you or take you places as it is for you to sit pretty (we women do this well)…these things don’t require any substance…you know the stuff that comes from you opening your mouth and speaking intelligently about something other than yourself? Sticking around and waiting or expecting him to “grow” feelings for you renders you a pathetic plaything.
2. Men must be forced to work hard for the prize, which is you. If you don’t make him wait for the cookie you forfeit any control you might have had of his perception of you. The chances of the scenario growing into something more is slim. Continuing to be physical when you know it’s not true to your own wishes renders you a PP (portable pussy). Shrugs.
3. If he is always pointing out something supposedly inadequate or wrong about you, he is grossly aware of what he feels to be his own inadequacies and he is projecting them onto you. Run away. Quickly.
4. Unless it is painfully clear that you are exclusive with a man (you’d know because he’d make it so) he really is dating and sleeping with several other women while dating and/or sleeping with you. And he’s pouring Downy on the sheets 2 hours before you arrive.
It’s really taken me a long time to realize that men are so very simple. I can only wish that women don’t spend their lives struggling to learn this. The amount of heartbreak could be diminished greatly…
Depending on how long you’ve known me, you have probably heard me use the phrase “N%$^@s be coming out the woodwork!” Given the boyfriends I’ve had (or thought I had), I’ve learned that men are huge fans of going green when it comes to…ass and looks. Oh, they recycle well. They’ll date you and then come back a few months or later…talking about “I’m sorry about before,” or “I just wanted to see how you were doing”. These translate to “I really just wanted to see if you’d lay down for me again. So, how about it?” or “I’ve noticed how gorgeous you’ve become and wanted to know if I could smash…” I haven’t had many boyfriends but this has happened with 3 ex-boyfriends since I’ve been back on the market. Hmm…*flips hair*
New interests are great for men…in fact they crave the chase or the pursuit of women they’ve never conquered before. But...your sexual/dating past with them is like their baby blanket…they don’t sleep with it anymore but it sits in their closet in case they feel so compelled to reminisce. Men never throw anything away. He will contact you every time he is back in town for this very reason…the possibility of having you again. And then he will bounce…disappear, until he is back in town again.
I chuckle at the thought of this blanket analogy because a close male friend, who would probably also like to bag me, supplied it for me. My 21 year old has also made it clear, “I know if I really treat a woman well, I will always be able to come back.” Will women ever start saying no and meaning it? Probably not. More shrugs.
