do you know what an ACoA is?

You work with them. You go to school with them. You are friends with them. You ride the train with them. They are the Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Adult Children of Alcoholics is a book by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D. It was a New York Times bestseller...in the 1980s. It is a book I was a little reluctant to read until about 3 weeks ago during my last days of residing at home with my mom. I say 'residing' because I was hardly living. All the bad things in the world only happen to my mom. I know that this is hardly the truth and I must remind her of how fortunate she is because I am her parent. I have never been a child and needless to say the role I took on in my family at 5 years old is the same role I will be viewed to have at 55 years old, barring any major changes in my parents habits.

There are 13 distinctive characteristics of an ACoA (and some of these are not limited to ACoAs and an ACoA may not show signs of all of these characteristics):

-ACoAs guess at what normal behavior is.

-ACoAs have difficulty following a project thru to its completion.

-ACoAs lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

-ACoAs judge themselves without mercy.

-ACoAs have difficulty having fun.

-ACoAs take themselves very seriously.

-ACoAs have difficult with intimate relationships.

-ACoAs overreact to changes over which they have no control.

-ACoAs constantly seek approval or affirmation.

-ACoAs usually feel that they are different from other people.

-ACoAs are either super responsible or super irresponsible.

-ACoAs are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that their loyalty is undeserved.

-ACoAs are impulsive.

Although I am not finished with the book, reading it has shined a light on a very basic fact of our world today; the true effect that alcoholism has on families and children has still not been fully acknowledged, recognized, or researched. Growing up I spent an exorbitant amount of time trying to be opposite of the people who brought me into this world. I always remembered people that would say they grew up to be just like their mother or father without fail. Despite all of the time spent trying to change something that had not fully shaped yet, during my most crucial developmental years...I am finding that not all that much changed. I wake up and see my mother's face in the mirror almost everyday. I find myself resentful that I see normalcy around me and I can't attain it, grasp it, or become it. This book has opened my eyes a bit to my own issues and to the fact that the language of suffering is universal.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has ever had an alcoholic friend or family member...especially those who have come into contact with an ACoA. It has helped thousands understand the thinking that comes with this kind of traumatic upbringing, an upbringing that doesn't get the national attention it warrants.